Yesterday the band had a full day practice.  We are gearing up for our next album tentatively titled “Raise the Sun.”  We recorded three songs recently with Producer Jeff Dawson and thought that would be it but suddenly we have been thrown into recording 6 more songs for a full album.  We have been running around the last week getting everything set so we could record in October which we just pulled off on Friday.  So on October 8th we kick off at In the Pocket studios out in the woods of Forestville and then we head to San Francisco at Faultline Studios for the rest of the month.  I have been writing like a mad man trying to get new material and always trying to go after that elusive “amazing song.”  As a song writer I wonder if you ever feel you captured what you wanted to say.  Even my best songs, when I am finished, I often think “damn it.  I should have changed that line.”  My wife took the kids to visit their cousins in Ashland so I had the house to write.  I spent Friday and Saturday working on new songs…..I pace the floors, pick up my guitar, scribble down some lyrics, put it down, pace some more, read some books or poetry, pace the floor, pick up my guitar, scribble down more lyrics…..get frustrated…cook a giant vat of soup to clear my head and then get back at it.  I keep every thing I write, even the songs that don’t make it.  I have a little “scrap heap” that I often go and salvage when I am working on other songs.   My mind seems to jump around, it doesn’t like roadblocks so when I get stuck with one song suddenly I find myself working on another song which can be frustrating when I need to finish something because instead of one unfinished song I end up with eight at the end of the day. 

Five A.M.has been around a long time as bands go and largely this is because I write alot and the guys in the band thrive on this because they like to be constantly creating and working on new material.  It keeps them fresh.  It keeps them alive.  If we simply stopped writing and just performed this band would be done.  This is why practice is so important.  In the greater scheme of things practice has been pushed aside for belief without action, conformity, comfort.  We don’t practice anymore.  We don’t challenge our belief in God and faith…..we don’t push ourselves.  We find a safe comfortable church that agrees with our ideals and listen to the same show over and over and over.  In our relationships we don’t practice….we don’t attend to each other….we don’t try and create something better.  We settle….we get by….we get comfortable…..its safe.  I have several close friends whose relationships need work.  They need to pace the floors, write in their note books, scribble down ideas, try them out….fail…try again….but they don’t.  They say it has been too long, too many things have happened and been said.  They are afraid their partner will not listen.  They are afraid they will.   They are fine with being married but they don’t want to go to practice.  They don’t want to work on the song, the settle for just the show.  I know many many people who claim to follow Jesus but if you took away their bumper-stickers and cool vague christian t-shirts you wouldn’t know from their actions that they were any different than anybody else.   I have no patience for these people.  All talk and rhetoric.   I have friends who do not attend any church or claim any faith but what they practice on a day to day basis speaks volumes about them.

Yesterday I was excited to work on material.  I had a song that had all the right pieces but was falling flat.  All we needed to do was fix the chorus.  We tried and tried and tried but nothing worked.  Finally after an hour I said lets set this song down and try something else.  We moved to another song that I had worked on…..nothing….we tried and tried…..nothing.  The same with the next.  Feeling defeated and that all the work I had done had led to nothing I finally said, “well here is a verse and chorus I was just starting to work with.  Lets see if there is anything there and maybe I can work on it later.”  Immediately the band digs in and the song just takes off.  I don’t have lyrics for the chorus but I sing the chorus I wrote for one of the songs before and it slides in perfectly like this was the song it was meant for.  Suddenly this song bursts to life Jason drops right into a bass line, Benjie starts hitting a great melody on the piano, Hammer picks up the baritone guitar and fattens up the whole thing, while Jed knows just were to go with his drum part in the chorus.  Suddenly all of the failures and struggles of that day were worth it.  We just needed to go through the failed songs to get to this.  It takes a lot of work to finally break through, it takes patience, perseverance, tenacity, and – faith.  The same with your spiritual life and your relationships.  You have to do the work.  You have to be willing to go to practice and every single day of your life is a chance to practice. 

If you are a Christian look at the life of Jesus……don’t talk about it…..practice it.   Jesus upset everyone with his teachings.   Nothing he said made anybody comfortable but we now have these GIANT MEGA churches built to make everyone feel comfortable and good about greed, ignoring the poor, bigotry, spiritual laziness.  Don’t get upset with me…..as I said look at Jesus’ life, look at what he said about the poor.  I am sorry to tell you he didn’t spend his years on this earth railing on homosexual marriage as the church would have you believe.  If you love your wife or husband being married is not enough.  A ring is not enough.  You have to work on it and you work on it even when everything is going wrong so you can get to those moments when you break through and everything falls into place and suddenly the song is there and you are in it instead of fighting with it.  Living deeply…..living spiritually takes practice.  It takes showing up everyday with guitar, pen, pencil and paper ready to work on the song because in the end it will be your actions that define you, not your words.

christianity, life, music, spirituality | 2 Comments »

A friend of mine was talking to me about a recent event she went to.  She was disappointed because it was meant to be meaningful and thoughtful but it turned out flat.  She brought up that they had the candles, thought provoking questions, food, journals, art projects, readings, book discussion and handouts.  She said, “I was just hoping some really thoughtful moments would occur but everything was so busy.”  I listened and then asked, “Well do you think there was any space for these moments to occur?”  She thought for a while and then replied, “No.  We were so busy that we never really had the time to check in or talk or do anything more than go from project to project.”           

Creating space is always the step people ignore before attempting to create something in their lives, lives of others or change their own life.  If we haven’t created or cleared out a space for change – for meaning, how can we expect it to occur?  It is like having a garage stuffed from wall to wall and trying to jam a couch in.  You have to clear the space first.  If your first instinct is to grab a self help book or fitness book, listen to a motivational speaker on tape, attend a new church, or join a new 12 step program you will be disappointed and overwhelmed quickly.  You haven’t allowed for an opening in yourself for change to occur, instead you have created more clutter in your head.  Rumi speaks in a poem of a contest a King held between the Greeks and the Chinese to find who the world’s finest artists were.  Each was given the best materials to use.  They were placed in two rooms facing each other divided by a curtain.  The Chinese asked the king for hundreds of colors, all variations and each day they would take all of them.  They spent their time painting and drawing with the finest paints and colors. The Greeks would take nothing and say, “they are not part of our work.” They would then spend their time cleaning and polishing the walls.  All day every day the Greeks would scrub until the walls were as pure and clear as the sky.  The Chinese finished and were so joyful at what they had created they beat the drum to call the king.  The king came and looked at the amazing artwork of the Chinese and was astounded.  The Greeks then pulled the curtain dividing the walls.  The Chinese figures shimmeringly reflected on the clear Greek walls.  They lived there, even more beautifully, and ever changing in the light. 

Our job as spiritual beings is to always be clearing and cleaning to make way for the beauty around us – to make way for the God around us to be reflected.  Too much focus is given to filling up, cluttering up, buying more, doing more, obtaining more……you and I….we need to begin to scrub the walls, to carry out the boxes.  My friend understands that.  She said at the end of our conversation, “sometimes simplicity is the hardest thing to do.”

photo by Shawna McHenry

life, spirituality | 4 Comments »

 I was working on some songs for the band when this song crept in…..I just went with it and had it finished in a day.  The band had a long practice last night so my voice is a bit scratchy on this recording but this morning I woke up and I had the house to myself for 3 hours so I jumped at the chance to finally record.   Just a simple love song…..which I usually have a hard time writing.

 My wife and I like to sit out in our backyard at the end of the day once the kids are finally asleep, have a drink and talk over the day or whatever rambles into our heads.  It has kind of become our little island in the world.  If your a parent you understand this: even when you are dog tired, once the kids are in bed you still end up staying up late because it is your only chance to just be yourself for a moment.  You know you are going to pay for it but you do it anyways.  My wife is an amazing woman who puts up with all kinds of crap being married to me, which I will not list at this time, but believe me it can be no fun being married to rock/writer guy.  We are very moody and usually out playing clubs or at practice 3 or 4 days a week.  Every Wednesday Saturday and Sunday morning she wakes up to cloths and guitars leading from the door to the bedroom, I am always sneaking away to write, or take a phone call from a producer or lawyer…..you get the picture but she handles it all with smile.  Our moments in the backyard with our feet up always remind me of how lucky I am to have her….she is my sun.

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photo by Shawna McHenry

music | 7 Comments »

The band pulled in to Utah tired and ready to go home.  We had been on the road for awhile and Park City, Utah was our last stop.  Park City has become a very trendy ski town since the Sundance Film Festival began there.  The Club had a good stage and dance floor and we looked forward to ending our tour with a bang.  9:30 p.m. rolled around and we jumped on stage ready to get the place moving.  We pulled out the big guns with all of our upbeat, fun, danceable songs.  The crowd stared at us for maybe 4 minutes and then went back to their drinks or food.  We played three songs in a row before I took a moment to talk to the audience.  After the third song it was dead quiet.  Not a clap or cough could be heard; just the dead eyed stare of an un-amused audience and the occasional dragging of a fork on a plate.  “We are Five A.M. out of the Bay Area…its good to be here tonight.”  Chirp…chirp.  “Uh…we just came from Wyoming where the men are men and…uh …so are the women.”  Chirp….chirp.  “Sooooooooooooo….here is song called Painted Words off of our new album.  There is plenty of room on the dance floor…..so….uhhh…don’t be shy.” drip…drip.
     I look out to find someone paying attention, maybe one friendly face.  Ahhhh….I find her sitting at a table to the left of the stage.  She looks really excited.  She looks really into the band and the music.  I decide to focus on her to keep my energy from dropping but then I look at her again and notice something isn’t right.  She still looks blown away by our first three songs.  Then it hits me she’s not blown away by us; she has recently had a face lift. She looks at me in a constant state of surprise, like a really happy clown getting an enema.  I realize she is not into us at all as she rolls her eyes, grabs her husband and moves to the bar.  We break into another solid set of fun happy songs to try and get the crowd on our side but nothing happens…they are slowly killing us. 
       After an hour of the knife being twisted in our gut we take our first break.  I walk down the steps of the stage and then I see them standing at the end of the steps waiting for me.  It is what every original rock band has to face during most shows, somebody waiting to say they wanted to hear cover songs.  I couldn’t escaped them so I slowly walked to the two snow bunnies dressed up in the latest fashion with one in a pink half shirt with “porn star” in glitter across the front.  “Hey you guys are really great but could you play songs that we know?  You know, like Livin’ La Vida Loca or YMCA?  That would be great.”  Defeated we walk to a table and sit down.  Some background music comes on the house speakers, its Will Smith’s “Gettin Jiggy wit it.”  The band lets out a collective groan, but then it gets worse.  Everyone jumps up with big sheep smiles, “YA!  Alright!!!  I love this song!!! Weeeee.  Baaaaa!!!”  The crowd proceeds to pack the floor and immediately begins to party like it was 1999.  The band is white faced as we stare at this obscenity.
      “Play Mustang Sally,” is their cry.  They want the familiar – the comfortable.  They want something they already know so they can feel safe on the dance floor.  They don’t want to miss a beat, break or stop and look stupid in front of a bunch of people they don’t know…right?    For the bands out there trying to sing our own songs there is nothing worse than playing a great set filled with vibe and soul but as you take a break you see them standing there waiting to say, “Can you play something we can dance to?  Uh…you know like Brick House or Brown Eyed Girl?”  It matters not that you just played 5 totally danceable songs in a row.  They crave beige, vanilla, and easily digestible food.  These are the same people that Jesus upset with his teachings.  He flipped over tables, told the righteous they were wrong, the rich to give away their money, and the last that they would be first.  The religious leaders of the day often waited for him after he spoke to say, “uh Jesus, couldn’t you preach some Skynard or maybe “Play that Funky Music White Boy?”  Ok, maybe that is a loose interpretation of the bible but you get the point. 
       Our lives should be focused on playing the music never heard before.  It should be about taking the path un-traveled and giving up the familiar for the chaos and beauty of living in the spirit.  Spirituality should be spontaneous, a cacophony of rock, jazz, jam, reggae, ska, punk, classical and folk. It should rise up from the heart not dictated by books and lectures.  It should be alive and just as things that are living; constantly growing, changing, challenging, failing, and succeeding.  When I see the big MEGA churches in America and I can’t help but think they are no different from the popular dance and cover band clubs.  These people don’t want to be challenged they want something they can depend on, something they already know the ending too.  They want a comfortable controlled spiritual life.  They want to know exactly where the stops are, exactly when the chorus hits, and exactly where it ends.  This leads to a very safe and structured belief system but it does not lead to a spiritual life. 
       Spirituality today has been watered down to a list of moral rules to live by: don’t drink, don’t have premarital sex, go to church on Sunday, don’t use bad language…etc.  It is not that I am saying these things do not matter I am saying we have got it backward.  If we get people to listen to the spirit that is already in them, they will live a moral life because they can live no other way not out of fear of damnation, hellfire or being banned from the afterlife.  They will understand that God is in their breath and the words they chose to speak to one another, god is in their hands when they reach out to touch one another, and God is in their eyes as they chose how to see the world they live in. 
        When I listen to some of the great artist you can sense their influences.  As a song writer I found as I exposed myself to folk, jazz, blues, country, and poetry I was inspired to write and think in different ways.  We seem to crave the comfortable these days, things that are easily explained and easily understood.  The focus has become faith in a belief system and structure.  Political battles and social position all evaluated and decided by what set of beliefs we have decided to call our own.  This is when the group-think takes over and once it does we become another person beholden to an institution that dictates our actions.   We get up to dance but only for the pre-approved music. 
      The band was playing in a town called Mountain View.  The town was very wealthy and the owner told us he expected us to play a few cover songs because that is what his audience expected.  We played three sets and by the third set we had a crowd of about one hundred in the palm of our hands.  The room was shaking and the band was firmly planted in the grove.  We had all ready played the pre-requisite cover songs so we had been tearing up the third set with only our own tunes.  With every song we were building more and more energy.  Over to my right I see the owner looking upset.  I thought he was getting worried about the crowd getting out of hand as a few people had begun jumping up on stage during some of the songs and dancing.  I was wrong.  He was yelling at Hammer (our guitar player) that we were not playing enough cover songs.  We ended a song and I spoke with him.  I told him to look around at the audience having a great time but he still insisted that we play more cover songs. 
      We played four more songs, all our own, the band refused to give into this blatant stupidity.  The crowd was now larger than before; we jumped into a drum jam with didgeridoo and percussion.  The crowd began jumping, dancing, spinning, swirling and clapping but over to my right there was the owner steam pouring from his ears and cannons in his eyes.  He pulled Hammer aside again during a song and demanded we play a cover song immediately.  Hammer replied, “If you don’t leave us alone we are going to pack up and leave.”  The owner stormed off.  This would be yet another bridge burned by this band but one we all enjoyed pouring gasoline on and getting out the smores.
       Comfort is good for many things in our lives.  The fact that we can sit in our homes by a warm fire and sleep or read is a wonderful thing that should be embraced fully and enjoyed but comfort is also something that should be questioned on the spiritual path.  The owner of the Club was only comfortable with songs he already knew and nothing else.   He could only see his Club as being one way.   He built up a world that made sense to him and was unable to cope when that world came crumbling down.  He became angry when he not only didn’t get what he was comfortable with but he also had to watch as people embraced what he didn’t want.  I see many many churches, synagogues, and mosques filled with people like this.  They are furious when something goes against their interpretation of a belief or if their belief system is questioned; not their spiritual sense but their beliefs.  They are unwilling to change or open their mind and hear something new.  They are unwilling to dance to music that they have never heard.
I wish the spiritual path was comfortable and easy but God is like water; ever changing form, separating, freezing, melting, falling, dripping and rushing through everything and everyone.   You can live next to a lake your whole life and think you know everything there is to know about water until you travel to the ocean, until you look upon a glacier that plunges dark and deep just as high as it reaches for the sky, until you see a river caressing her way through a canyon, until you look through a microscope at human tissue and find water’s slippery footprint under your very skin – in your blood.  The same water you thought was only confined to the boarders of the lake.  You could turn your head and walk back to your quiet but very understandable lake and continue to believe and preach to the world that you know all there is to know about water, or you could open your eyes and dive in. 
      Resist dancing in step on your journey; question, argue and explore.  Listen to new and different voices – new and different songs.  Living a deeper life means leaving yourself open.  Yes, this can be scary.  Yes, this can be unsettling but there is no other way.   If you close yourself off to only a narrow view than all you hear or experience is funneled through the smallest of openings.   You close yourself off to hearing the Song in its entirety and hear only part of the music.
        On your path I hope you find your self dancing out of step. I hope you find yourself at accordion festivals and didgeridoo drum circles and I hope you dance and dance and dance.  I hope you find yourself leaving the comfort of you warm home from time to time and taking long walks in the rain.  These are the places you find the spirit.  These are the places you hear the voice.

book, life, music, spirituality | 6 Comments »

I have received a few emails regarding my lack of posting.  Sorry.  I have in my head that I am going to post some new songs but I can’t find a quiet space to record them.   I am trying to get some more music on the site since I have been doing alot of commentary lately.  I tend to get a little preachy.  Plus the band has some more big business stuff that I need to be on so time is limited.  I have a long practice tonight but hopefully this week I can get some material laid down. 

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