A few weeks ago I finished playing a gig at the Rockit room in San Francisco, walked off the stage, got in my car and headed for Yreka to attend a funeral. As I drove through the night I was listening to some of the last talks that my dad gave for possible use in an upcoming book my family is putting together. My father had a few stories about funerals. Funerals he gave for people who had been hurt and damaged by the church and never returned. One story was of a woman whose son committed suicide and the church refused to do the service or let him into the cemetery. She had attended the church her whole life. My Dad began that service by apologizing to the woman on behalf of the church and said she was right to not attend anymore because it was not in line with anything that Jesus would have done. As I drove into the wee hours of the morning I remember shaking my head and thinking, “who are these people” and what is wrong with them to believe they had the right to exclude people from God’s grace. Around 4:30 a.m. I pulled over around Mt. Shasta to get a hotel. I couldn’t find one available or at a decent price so I moved on. I knew of a Motel 6 not too far so I decided to go there, right before I got there I saw another hotel off the freeway and for some reason cut across the lanes to exit even though it was probably too expensive for a 4 hour stay. I walked in to see a very tired looking woman with dark circles around her eyes sitting behind the desk. I asked her about a room and she said they were full but then said she had a suite and would give it to me for cheap so I took it. When I told her my name she looked up and said, “Any relation to Mike Yaconelli?” I told her yes and then she began to say some very nice things about my Dad but she also began to speak about her life. She said she was involved heavily in the church, doing missionary work, training missionaries and that her husband had talked about being a pastor but then he got sick. He has had 15 surgeries and then recently spiraled into a depression. The Church she said has run from them since that happened and now her kids don’t want to have anything to do with church after seeing its treatment of their father. I understood now that the tiredness I saw on her face was not from lack of sleep but from a weary heart that has been pushed and cast aside. I looked at her and said, “I am so sorry.” She looked away and then I said again, “no really I am so sorry that happened to you. It is ironic that the people that should be running towards you in your time of need are often the ones that run away.” She looked away again and then began speaking of my room and how to get there. As I went up to my room I felt I needed to do more so I wrote this letter to her and sent it to the hotel.
A ~
~For some reason I felt compelled to write you. I feel that I came across your path for a reason so here it goes. When Jesus was alive he had many problems with religious people and those who spoke for the church just as you have but remember they do not speak for God or Jesus. Anyone who claims to has just proven that they are in fact not. The beauty of Jesus is that we do not need the church to find him, speak to him, listen to him and follow him. Do not let the people who claim to be the gatekeepers push you off the path or darken your heart. Their only intention is to not go in themselves and to keep everyone out as Jesus himself pointed out. I believe that Jesus would be disappointed with these people who use his name in order to exclude others while exalting themselves but that is not for us to know. Our only goal in this life is to stay true to our hearts and seek out the soft whisper of God where ever that may lead us. Your children are right to not want to attend that church because their hearts have told them the truth….”this is not how spiritual people behave.” They understand that the real Jesus would not behave in this way. Do not mistake the Church or these gatekeepers as God’s megaphone. God needs no megaphone to reach you, he is already present in you and it is underneath the noise that you will always find him. I wish you, your family, and your husband peace and healing during this time of hardship. ~
Maybe it is not my place to apologize for the actions of others to be honest I really don’t know. I think it is our job as people who are struggling to follow the voice to reach out and help our fellow travelers when they get knocked down because when we do than maybe we open a window in our own souls for God to shine through us.
