I was up at a retreat in the mountains of Oregon that was really powerful for me. Which is why I have been so silent lately. Now that I am down here I wonder which is more real….which is the retreat? The mornings were spent in silence and prayer. The afternoons and evenings were spent in doing some contemplative work but also taking walks, hikes, reading books, writing, having conversations…etc. After a few days people began to move slower, stare at things that were beautiful, enjoy their food and listen to each other. I had forgotten how beautiful storm clouds could be as they crossed in front of a full moon. I felt raw, emotional at small beautiful things, opened up but I felt myself and I felt alive. I had forgotten the wonder of our existence because I was so caught up in the speed and demand of our lives. Suddenly I found myself eating less. I am a big snack-er at night but I didn’t have those cravings up there. I didn’t crave a movie or some computer time to “zone out” to. I went to bed when i was tired, went for walks when I needed to clear my head, and took care of my soul when it needed attention.
We don’t care for our souls in this culture.
I realized that food, redbulls, movies, texting, TV, where all distractions from the lack of attention we pay to our poor tired ignored souls who crave real substance, real beauty, real food, and real conversations. But we have no time for these things…..or at least we have convinced ourselves we don’t…..so we fill ourselves with fast food, bad TV, conversations about celebrities and box ourselves up in concrete. So I wonder, which was the retreat? Are our daily lives down here actually one long ”retreat” from being alive? Have we forgotten what it means to live…truly live? Why are the moments when we remove the distractions and distortions of modern life called a “retreat”; when we are not retreating from life but engaging it, we are not retreating from “normal” we are retreating from the circus show back to normal.
We are spiritual beautiful holy beings who were meant to live in God’s ocean of grace and yet we continue to try to live on the surface where the speedboats wiz past leaving us breathing their exhaust……and every once in while we dip down fill ourselves full and then head back to the surface until we turn blue again. I had a dream last night of a world filled with beautiful colorful fish out of water, gasping…..gasping…..gasping…..for the sea.
