The holiday season always seems to move fast. I ventured out to get a few last minute gifts and almost was killed several times, sometimes just by someone glaring at me. Yes people cut each other off, get pissed when the line is too long, or take out their frustration on some poor minimum wage clerk but also how do we treat ourselves? As we close in on Christmas how about we all go easy on ourselves this year? I know it is stressful and sometimes it can be hard to be around the family or relatives we don’t especially like all that much. Maybe, you have had a hard year and you already sense that you will feel a deep sense of absence this year. I remember after losing a loved one the sight of an empty chair made my eyes well up during the holidays. So lets go easy on ourselves. Lets not try so hard to be perfect for Mom or Dad, Lets not get angry or upset at the people we love who are not matching up to how we would like them to be, lets accept things as they come even if they do not come as planned, lets forgive and then forgive again if needed the critical comment that always seems to show up during dinner, lets welcome in some of the sadness that we feel about those not there – instead of pushing it aside lets raise a glass to their memory and tell some stories – basically lets hold things lightly. Rumi says it best when he says:

Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes.
if it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.

Your deepest presence is in every small contracting
and expanding,
The two as beautifully balanced and coordinated
as birdwings.

So hold everything lightly this season….the criticism…the sadness……your perfectionism…your disappointment…etc. It is only when we cling or take a harsh moment or comment and dwell on it do we begin to spiral down into anger and hostility. When we cling we miss the very real joy, wonder and happiness occurring around us.

Enjoy fully the gifts you have in your life and pay no attention to what isn’t but to what is. These moments when we see loved ones around the dinner table will not always be. Enjoy the sounds of children playing even if they are knocking over the furniture and ruining their Christmas sweater. Enjoy the embrace of your Grandfather, for how many winters will he continue to be here. Enjoy the loving gaze of your wife from across the room while she sits through another painfully long story by your Uncle Charles. See the things that annoy or bother you for what they are, distractions that keep you from enjoying the moment. And when finally all the noise has quieted, the guests are gone, and the kids are asleep take a moment by yourself or with your partner….stare at the tree or the fire….and run through all that you are grateful for. Let a prayer of gratitude rise up from your chest and then gently let it go.

My prayer for you…and for me….is to hold all lightly this holiday season….allowing each moment to be fully noticed, even the hard ones, while letting all the strings that tangle us up to pass by.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Blessings.

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She has secrets; that he can see even behind her knit black cap and black jacket. She stares at the people in line as they sit across from each other sipping coffee at a busy outdoor cafe. She’s a quiet sort of girl – quiet and shy of attention. He knows this won’t last, he knows that at some point he will be gone and she will become another girl that he can’t quite remember. But for now, for right now, he is surprised to discover that he loves her.   As he explores this new found feeling he is  further shocked to find it is not because she is amazing and not because she is stunningly beautiful but simply because she is the girl right in front of him.

The long night and short restless sleep has left him defenseless. He feels raw and unguarded but also closer to who he really is.   She is the gift given to him on this particular morning. Out of all of the possibilities, the universe had chosen them for this place, with this strong coffee, on this cold day.

The way she moved her hand trying to hide the small scar on her cheek.

The longing her eyes betrayed when she noticed him watching.

The softness of her voice when she spoke of her childhood home.

For these reasons and more he realizes he loves her. No, this would not be an epic tale of love told by Irish authors years from now, but it is enough and when is anything in this life simply enough? How many times do we feel the very moment we are in is complete and perfectly beautiful?    He neither yearns nor wants for anything, only to sit here with this quiet girl and watch the world turn.    He begins to imagine them living in a small cabin on a rugged coast with candles and a woodstove.   They would speak very little and make love often as the waves crashed against the cliffs. This makes him happy.

Something was coming alive for him and nothing had happened to set it off; no magic, no self discovery just lack of sleep and too much alcohol the night before. But here he was becoming conscious of the fact that when his legs could run no more there was only peace, there was only depth, there was only life but somehow more vivid.

The sun emerges from behind an evergreen and she pulls off her hat, closes her eyes and lets it warm her face. She says without looking at him “This is perfect isn’t it?” His heart begins to swell and he knows he can’t stop it and for the first time in his life he doesn’t want to.  His eyes well up as he smiles broadly, “yes – yes it is.”

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The Holidays are here and beneath them is this underlying tension we all have about what we are going to do, how we are going to decorate our house, who will we celebrate with, what will the family dinner be like, should we discuss politics, should we not invite certain people, what church or synagogue will we go to etc….etc….etc.   These things we all find so important because each says something about what we believe; do we have a tree or nativity or both, do we have a Menorah and Santa Claus?  What Church do I go to on Christmas Sunday?  What if it is too liberal or too conservative?  How can I express my views on gay marriage during Christmas dinner if my Uncle starts in again?  There are millions of other issues that we all get caught up in but what it comes down to is  we are very very concerned about What We Believe and What the Other-side Believes.  The other-side is anyone who disagrees with us.   We are very big on “belief” in our country.  Our televisions are filled with people arguing over what they believe as opposed to what someone else believes.  Each person screaming how their beliefs are better, more patriotic, more spiritual, more intelligent, more honorable…etc.  Do you know what I think of that?  Who gives a shit.    The thing is I have always seen this as a trap.  Once you start equating symbols as reflecting what you believe you start judging others by theirs or lack of.   I don’t care about your tree, Menorah, gifts, super Nativity or lack of all mentioned what I care about is your actions.  Our actions are what have been lost these days.  We are all so concerned with who is on our side or what article I can use to discredit the other that we have lost sight of what our beliefs USED to mean.  It used to mean something when you called yourself a Christian.  It meant you were trying….trying….to follow the lessons and life of Christ.  Now it means having a 40,000 watt nativity scene on your lawn.  You see I don’t care what you call yourself, I don’t care what you say you believe, I only care about What.  You.  Do.  If you are a person of faith….any faith….do your actions point to the one you proclaim to “believe” in or follow?

In an essay by Sister Helen Prejean her opening line  is “I watch what I do to see what I believe.”  What a beautiful way to live your life but also what a great way to keep yourself honest in life.   I have met “holy people” who made my skin crawl and so called “godless” who offered up their time, labor, home and heart without a thought.    Given the choice between the bar and the church in my life I have always chosen the bar because I felt people were more honest about who they were there.

We don’t watch what we do enough in life, we get too caught up in what we believe.  What would happen if people really paid attention to see if their actions really matched up with “love they neighbor as thy self”?  What about loving your enemy?  Not easy is it but that is why Grace is so radical, that is why the message of Jesus was so radical, that is why the message of any spiritual teacher like Rumi or Buddha or Lao Tzu because they spoke of a WAY of living….the spoke of the WAY.  They didn’t give a list of “beliefs” and say “here believe all of this and your in,” they spoke of ways of living, ways of opening your heart, ways of forgiving,  ways of loving kindness.

So here is my Christmas, holiday,  Hanukkah, festivus suggestion.  Pay less attention to your beliefs this season, pay more attention to your actions and see what that tells you about your beliefs.  Did you spend massive amounts of money on too many gifts?  Were you consumed with what is the latest and greatest new gadget and how could you get it?  Did you get pissed off if someone said Happy Holiday instead of Merry Christmas?  Did you help the less fortunate?  Where you kind even when it was hard to be kind?  Were you compassionate to even those who don’t believe as you do?   Did you give of yourself, your time or money quietly and anonymously without need of recognition? How about you and I proclaim through our actions what we are all about, what our families are about, and what our God is all about.    Let your actions point the way to what you believe.  We change nothing by loudly proclaiming our “beliefs”, we change everything….including our own hearts and the hearts of strangers by what we do.

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I recently came upon this: On his death bed St. Francis said, “I have done what was mine to do; now you must do what is yours to do.”

So many of us  concentrate on what we think we should be doing, what we think others feel we should be doing or what our culture in various ways tells us we should be doing or should have already  done.  But St. Francis comes at it a different way.  He says, you must do what is yours to do.  There is no comment about following the bible or his teaching; he simply says you must do what is yours to do. We might not like it, we might want what someone else has to do but that is the truth of it.  If we are single Mom with two kids our job is to raise our children the best we can with every breath we take.  It is not easy or glamorous but it is ours to do.   If we have a fairly solitary life but feel the tug on our heart to step in and help out after work with our neighbors, volunteer clinic or church maybe that is what is ours to do.  I don’t know, only you do but I can tell you, you have been given something that is only for you to do in this world.  It might not be what you wanted or it might not be as “sexy” as you thought it would be but it is yours and I believe once you embrace it instead of being afraid of it you will find a lightness and contentment that you haven’t known.  So many people I run into in the bars and clubs I play talk of being lost and confused about how they blinked and suddenly found themselves with a mortgage and a job they hate….I think that is what happens when you miss what is yours to do.  I think you get in a routine of getting up going to work, watching football on the weekends, and counting the days until retirement.  Your life becomes about passing the time or getting through the day.

I think the second part of this is we are all guilty of idolizing in this country and by doing so we set ourselves up to fail and never really go after what is ours.    The bible speaks of false idols and we all think of a golden calf or some strange alter to Zeus but what about others?  What about Hollywood, actors, sport stars and talk show hosts?  Notice the magazines by the check out counter and how we cannot take our eyes of off mega stars?  Notice how we spend hours and hours watching analysis of Tiger Woods driving his car into a tree? Those are the false idols we deal with today.  The deeper message of not worshipping false idols is you miss what is yours to do, you miss your own life, you miss the chance that God gave you to truly live.  We have teams of young girls trying to be Hannah Montana (while she is trying to be the next Britney or Madonna) instead of being guided to find their own voice, their own beauty, and their own gifts to bring to the world.  We need to start listening and focusing our attention inward.

So what is it and how do you find it?  Luckily St. Francis gave us a hint on that also.  He spoke of going about your days and paying close attention……paying close attention to the moments you feel most alive and then, he says, do that.  Doesn’t seem like rocket science but try and do it for a day.  With the amount of distractions we all have dancing around our heads it is actually hard to clear the space to listen.  I can tell you for me where I feel alive is music, writing, being a good father and husband.  I didn’t get the stadium success I wanted and sometimes I would rather be somewhere else than dealing with my kids when they are freaking out but it is mine to do.   And when I embrace that I have joy in my life.  Yes there are moments that are hard, when everything goes wrong, when life seems unfair but I also have the peaks when I have a fantastic show, when I am hiking with my boys laughing and running.   I don’t know what the big picture is but I trust that if I continue to do what is mine, God will continue to work in me.  So let’s look at things differently today; Lets go about the world paying attention to where we feel alive and lets trust that God has placed in your heart a whisper that pulls you to what is yours to do.  Your job is to find, embrace it and let it carry you home.

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